


Stop All The Clocks

by magic_at_mungos



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-15
Updated: 2013-09-15
Packaged: 2017-12-26 16:53:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/968316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magic_at_mungos/pseuds/magic_at_mungos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With time comes understanding. With understanding comes healing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stop All The Clocks

**Author's Note:**

> Spans the start of Remus starting Hogwarts to the end of Prisoner of Azkaban

_Sirius had never really understood what it was like. Having your body change against your wishes. Because of something that wasn't your fault. At the same time, Remus couldn't really understand Sirius and his family problems. Logically, he could see why they argued and fought like banshees but it was beyond his realm of comprehension that someone could just cut themselves off from their family._

*****

The first time his friends saw Remus after a full moon was October 13th 1973 - the date etched into his memory. He’d managed to avoid it until then. The excuses of aunties dying and a sickly mother can only stretch so far. James always said that he must have the unluckiest family in the country. But as they bounded into the hospital wing on that crisp October morning, he was too tired to even think up an excuse.

He silently watched them pull on the deck of cards and put some chocolate frogs on the side. As Peter and James settled into a noisy game of Exploding Snap, Sirius sat on the edge of the bed. Remus drew his knees up under his chin and watched him for a moment. Breaking the silence, Sirius finally said, “We worked it out, you know. We’re not stupid.” 

Remus blanched and Sirius offered him some chocolate. He managed to stammer, “When? Why didn't you tell me? No-one’s meant to know.” 

Chewing his lip, Sirius seemed to have trouble finding the right words. “Peter said we shouldn't say anything. If you hadn't said anything, you didn't want people to know and people need to have their secrets.” Remus frowned slightly as he mulled this over and then nodded.

“I was lucky to be even _allowed_ to come to Hogwarts. But I had to be so careful not to hurt anyone.” Sirius looked at him with cool grey eyes. 

“But you’re here now. And we know now. We’re not going to tell no-one.” 

As a small explosion went up from the end of the bed, Remus knew he had to settle for that and started to ask about whether anything interesting had happened the day before. James started to tell him all about a problem set in Arithmancy that that he was stumped by and wanted to get a second opinion on. Peter, with a quiet grin, showed him a picture sketched during History of Magic of Avery fast asleep on the desk and dribbling a bit. Very funny but very pointed whilst Sirius just sat and let them talk.

*****

Sirius had always been eye catching. Not in the sense of good looking even though he _was_. All the Blacks were very classical looking but in the sense of he had a presence. You knew when he was in the room even if he wasn't saying a word.

Remus could tell at their Sorting that something was off between Sirius and his family. Most people when they got Sorted, their families would cheer or boo as if they were at a pantomime. His cousins just sat in stony silence and no expression flickered at all across their faces. James had pointed them out whilst they were waiting their turn and whispered, “Mum says they've all been in Slytherin. I bet you two Galleons that he gets a Howler tomorrow.” Remus had shrugged and declined the bet. He didn't have the kind of money to throw away on a losing bet. His dad had told him about the Blacks. You were either one of them or you weren't and if you weren't, they didn't give two Knuts about you. He watched the pale faced Sirius walk to the cheering Gryffindor table and then turned his attention back to the Sorting.

*****

He couldn't say a thing when he found out. Remus couldn't quite believe his friends would do something like this. For _him_. They had dragged him out to the edge of the Forest on that crisp October evening to show him and he had been gobsmacked. Remus finally asked, “Why?”

James snorted. “Because we actually like you?” 

Peter piped up, grinning. “It was fun.” 

Sirius gave him a mocking grin. “And because we _could_.” He continued virtuously, “There’s nothing in the rules that says we couldn't try it.” 

Remus lifted an eyebrow. “That’s because no-one expected you would be stupid enough to try it and I don’t suppose you've registered with the Ministry.” Sirius gave a bark of laughter. 

“For someone who’s supposed to be clever, you can be quite thick at times. Telling the Ministry will involve us telling them we know about your furry little problem and then everything will go tits up. You’ll be chucked out for putting us in danger.”

Remus paled a little and said, “Oh.” 

James muttered, “Oh indeed.” 

They started to walk slowly back up to the castle. They reached the castle and Remus paused at the side door and pushed his hands out of his pockets. “Thank you.”

Sirius slung an arm round his shoulders. “We needed the excitement.”

*****

Sirius had always been told to think before he spoke. He was too sharp and made cutting comments that would be were funny but too much truth wrapped up in it. Remus just tells that he doesn't think of the consequences of his actions. That’s why what was meant to be a joke was one of the worst things he ever did. He betrayed one of his best friends for shits and giggles and also out of spite. It may be a laugh running around the forest with James and the others and they never got hurt but they _could_ have done. He knew that deep down in his gut. He’d never seen James so angry with him. James had always joined in with teasing Snivellus and now Remus just couldn't look at him.

"Don’t you understand? I could have killed someone for what you called a joke.” 

Sirius hadn't thought about that. What was it that Peter’s mum always said? That’s it. It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt and then it’s not so funny any more. He wished he’d just been able to keep his mouth shut for once. 

*****

Remus could always tell when things had been difficult during the holidays for Sirius. His letters were the same but once you saw him after the start of term, he seemed louder and more desperate for people to like him. You had to ride it out – let Sirius throw his money around as if it was water because it was the only thing he could do and let him make the loudest jokes and dominate proceedings.

Remus would sometimes talk to Andromeda. She would sometimes be in the library at the same as he was and she was nicer than her sisters. Remus found out a lot from her. She’d look up through an untidy fringe and tell him about her auntie Walburga who was slowly losing her grip on sanity by the year and their ultra conservative views. Andromeda would regard him over her textbook with cool grey eyes and tell Remus not to get close. “He’s the heir. He can’t stay friends with you and live up to expectations.” And at that, his heart would sink and managed to give her a strained smile. 

And after every holiday it was worse. Logically, Remus knew Sirius found it difficult at home but Sirius wasn't the easiest person to live with. He could take offence at the smallest thing and hold grudges like no-one’s business. A scrawled note came during the Easter holidays in their 6th year. 

_Done it at last. I’ve run away. I’m staying at the Potters and I’ll see you after the hols._

_S_

Remus never believed he actually would run away. Sirius had been threatening it since they were twelve. How could you turn you back on your family?

*****

Remus always thought it was funny that it took a thirteen year old to tell them they were behaving like prize idiots. In his heart, he had always hoped that Sirius was fitted up. They had always underestimated Peter. Underestimating years of feeling like the outsider. Remus could almost relate as he remembered the group dynamics. Sirius and James were closer than brothers where him and Sirius were something more than friends and something less than boyfriends. He hated that word, boyfriends. That was a formal word for a formalised relationship where it just _was_ between them.

He had looked at Harry and seen James at the same age but throughout that year, it was Lily’s sense of justice that rang out from him. 

He couldn't stay at the school. Not least due to the fact if he had forgotten his potion once, he could forget again. Remus couldn't risk the students. Saying it out loud, it even sounded virtuous. But he wasn't doing it for the right reasons. McGonagall and Dumbledore wanted him to stay and somehow he was even popular amongst the students. Sirius would never ask to him leave but he was all Sirius had left. 

They would never be able to pick up where they had left off but maybe time had bought a little understanding and will bring a little more healing.


End file.
